When I started this journey I knew I was submissive woman, I have been told by number people that I am a natural submissive. This means it is my nature to be submissive to most people, I will obey, follow instruction and rules often without thinking. I think it is best explained in the quotes below
“The natural submissive is also known as the true submissive and usually has slavish tendencies. Her submission goes way beyond the sexual side of things and is more a part of her intrinsic personality. Her deep need is to relinquish control, and to please the Dominant in all ways, and her fulfilment is the very act of submission in all forms.” Kim
“Someone who’s naturally submissive seeks to serve. By no means should this be interpreted as saying a sub is a doormat. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. Our strength is in yielding…a sustaining, consistent force for those we serve. A Dom’s strength is their ability to exert mindful direction, yet it’s up to the sub whether or not to obey” Amber
I am no way a doormat which can be walked all over and abused; been there done that and not going back, I am in fact a very intelligent and independent lady feels more alive in a relationship when the man I am with takes control of not only me, our relationship and play times. It make me feel whole and nurtured like no vanilla relationship ever has.
Also for me, it is not all about sex; although that is added bonus, it is about the relationship as a whole. Vanilla relationships have always left feeling like there was something missing, no matter how hard I tried to make them work in the end they always failed because I am left wanting more than the other person is willing to give. It is not fair on the other person me trying to mould them into something they have no interest in or desire to be.
With that in mind, I gave myself permission on my last birthday to go and explore my kinky side. Unfortunately, it has cost me my marriage because my husband didn’t want or understand why I want to be what I am and he did want me to explore it or experience it, which I respected him enough to give him his freedom to find someone who meets his needs like I need to find someone to meet my blossoming desires.
To me personally I have always enjoyed the company of men more than women and in 90% of my relationships with men they have been older by a minimum of 8 years and oldest age gap was of nearly 20 years. I find the older man to be more mature; obviously, have more life experience, be able hold an intelligent conversation which doesn’t always include themselves and they have knowledge and understanding about what works within a relationship with a woman that no younger man has yet learnt. I am not putting younger men down in any way and saying that all younger men are the same as I have met and are friends with a few expectations.
My first BDSM relationship was it what is traditional thought of as Dominant/submissive and I will always consider it to be a special as Sir was the first person who saw the “true” me, allowed me to experience the lifestyle; even though our time was so short, showed me that my marriage was truly over, showed me that there was men who did want and spend time with me how I dreamt it could be.
Lately on Fetlife I have met a number of Doms who class themselves as Daddy Doms, and one in particular wants to met me. I didn’t truly understand what the difference is between a Dom and a Daddy Dom so I went to my usual route and Googled the information.
Below is a post which I found on fetlife forum post,
What Is A Daddy Dom?
Daddy/little girl does not refer to the ages, real or pretend, of the participants. Nor does it imply closet desires. In my relationship my Dom is not my father, he is nothing like my father. He is however my Daddy. We do not engage in age play specifically ( beyond the occasional school girl fantasy) and our relationship is not based on any need to have sex with children. I am always all woman, and always a very independent woman.
He does have the ability to make me feel like a little girl, however, a very cherished and sometimes needy little girl. It is a feeling that I revel in, it is the safest place I have ever been, and it allows me the freedom to be all that I am without fear of reprisals. Daddy Dom is a feeling, an environment that two people have created. A Daddy Dom is so named because of the qualities he possesses and the service he provides.
So, what are these qualities? What is a Daddy Dom?
A Daddy Dom wants to be the centre of your universe. He wants to be able to provide for your every need and care. But more than that he wants to be able to shape and mould you to the image he thinks you should become. He sees in you someone who can achieve a much higher, much greater status. He believes more in you than you believe in yourself. What he wants in return is to be able to bask in his image of you, the image he has created. To achieve these goals he relies on a combination of love, respect, and discipline.
His love for his little girl goes without saying. He loves her as much for who she is as for who she will become with his guidance. She is his prized possession. His eyes light up when she walks into the room and he takes great pride in her successes. After all, he helped to create her. She holds the most tender part of his heart and has the greatest power to hurt him.
This love would not be possible without respect. A Daddy Dom needs to feel pride in his little girl. He needs to know she can hold her own in the outside world and still submit to him. He holds the greatest respect for the gift she has given him and takes great pains to increase it’s value. It is extremely important to him to know she can be with any man and she chooses to be with him.
He knows that this makes discipline a priority in their lives, more important than in some other D/s relationships. In order for the little girl to really trust, she must know he means what he says. If his little girl is going to be the best she can possibly be he must stand firm. He uses his experience in life and his knowledge of her to provide proper direction and punishment when the need arises.
If he does not enforce discipline, this respect becomes a tenuous thing. If his submissive finds that she can manipulate him out of punishing her, she begins to lose respect and the ability to empower becomes impeded. He understands that it becomes increasingly difficult to be possessed by someone you do not respect.
This takes great strength on his part. It takes strength to control her, and to shape her to his needs and desires. It takes strength to be her confidant, her shoulder, her anchor. It takes strength to let her out into the world when all he wants to do is hold her safe in his arms. And it takes strength to do what is necessary when she needs to be disciplined.
A Daddy Dom provides something else that is very important to his submissive…acceptance. She is safe in his arms because he knows her, everything about her, and he still loves her. When she goes to him she knows that this man knows all of her dirty little secrets and it doesn’t matter. To him she is beautiful.
I think most Dominants have a bit of the Daddy in them, taking on the role of male authority figure in the submissive’s life and using their power to enrich that life. Daddy/little girl verbalizes that feeling, and adds a dimension of warmth, caring, and ritual that it’s participants crave.
A Daddy Doms traits.
A Daddy Dom for me is a man who is mature, loving and caring. He sees himself as a caregiver, an alfa protector. He worships his little girl from above, not from below. He get to know her so deeply that he can tell when she is good to herself and when she’s not. Then he steps in and corrects, puts up rules and regulations. Only when it’s good for his little girl. He spoils her with love and affection and is never cheap with words or other proof of his affection.
He is a true fathers figure. He likes to take care of others and find satisfaction in seeing his little girl blossom. He finds personal pleasure in making his little girl into the best person she can be.
He is a dominant which means that he takes charge in sexual situations as well as in situations of danger or need. He knows that spanking and other BDSM-related activities strengthen their bonds to each other and gives his little girl pleasure, comfort and other emotionally valuable results.
He takes pleasure in seeing his little girl light up at his presence but also her dark glittering eyes as he controls her in bed.
A Daddy Dom is very proud of his little girl. Often she has is a leader or strong career women outside of their relationship but within the walls of their private space she is his little girl. Free to be little as well as sexually craving without boundaries.
Daddy Dom to let their girl be a wild child sometimes. Going out partying with friends and being a real party girl. It’s a need for a contrast to my very formal and well behaved life in general. Feel comfortable doing this when I’m in a relationship, where I have the security of someone being there for me if I need it.
To me a Daddy/little girl relationship has nothing to do with age and more to do with the type of relationship the two have together. The Daddy is the nurturer, the safe one and the object of sexual obsession for his little girl.
Little girls tend to be very obsessive about their Daddies. One might even say needy for Daddy’s attention and his body. Daddies will probably understand what I mean. She may have a successful career, be top in her field but she knows Daddy is always there for her in their private world together. She looks to Daddy for love, comfort and He is her sexual desire. She looks up to Daddy, admires him, and trusts him.
Daddy feels needed, adored and worshipped by his little girl. He is almost everything to her. His little girl will do almost anything to please Daddy, to make him happy.
He will always listen to her opinions, thoughts and feeling, because he is interested in her mind as much as he is her body.
A little girl is honest and trustworthy to her Daddy and his private thoughts, desires and actions. It will be her place to relax, where she can show all her emotions without holding back, be free.
7 Fundamental Characteristics of A Daddy Dom – by WizarDavid on FetLife.com
Just what is a Daddy Dom? Well, to start with, a Daddy Dom is first and foremost a Dom. He chooses the subcategory of “Daddy” within the lifestyle of dominance and submission (D/s). Let’s get one thing out of the way right at the beginning. A Daddy Dom does not promote incest or pedophilia as the kink may be misunderstood by ignorant people. Rather, in this specific subcategory, the dynamic is set up for the male dominant to be called “Daddy”, and the female submissive (sub) to be called “girl”, “little girl”, or “baby girl”, etc. Rarely is she called “daughter”, as this evokes too many parallels to incest, which Daddies and their girls detest. And while some Doms and some subs may have been victims of family violence, incest, or other abuse, Daddy Doms and their girls are not overrepresented in these categories any more than the general population.
The following are some of the fundamental characteristics, and indeed needs, that all Daddy dominants seem to share universally:
- Her Number One Fan, the Daddy usually believes in his girl more than she herself does, and often uses the wisdom of his age to see her not only for who she is, but also for who she can become. A Daddy’s eyes light up when his girl enters the room. He is proud of her and praises her for not just for what she accomplishes, but for what she attempts, and for who she is. He accepts her for who she is, flaws and all. And he knows all her flaws because he is also her
- Ultimate Confidant, allowing her to bare her soul to him beyond all others. She may have many different relationships and types of friends in her life. But Daddy will be her “umbrella confidant”. The one with whom she can talk about absolutely anything and trust that what she tells Daddy stays with Daddy. He is the one from whom she withholds nothing. The one who doesn’t mind if she needs to call and talk at 3am.
- He is the Protector of his girl against real or perceived threats, dangers, and bad people. Sometimes a little girl just needs to curl up in Daddy’s arms and smile at some of his bluster, and sometimes the Daddy may have to act on his protective instincts. Pity the person who messes with a Daddy’s girl.
- Her Teacher and mentor shows her new things that come from a longer and possibly wider set of life experiences. Daddy likes to take his girl to places she has never been, feed her foods she has never eaten, and do activities she has never enjoyed before. He is never so happy as when he can look in her eyes and know he has given her something she has never had before. This also translates into sexual adventurism for some Daddy/girl couples. He symbolically deflowers her on a regular basis, whether that be sexual or just in exposure to new life adventures.
- He wants to be her Guide and advisor. As the girl makes her way in the world, Daddy wants to be there to answer her questions, calm her fears, make her insecurities go away, and give her sound advice based on his years of experience.
- Anchor. The Daddy Dom is an unyielding, unmovable anchor in the storm. No matter what happens in the girl’s life, she knows her Daddy will be right there where he has always been, and she can hold onto that even if she is blinded by her own tears. Daddies know the storm will pass, and she will be safe, but she needs something to hold onto that will not move.
- Disciplinarian. When the girl acts badly, she expects to be disciplined or punished for the infraction. Most Daddy dominants find it occasionally difficult to keep this up, especially as the affection for their girl grows. They would love nothing more than to spoil their girls, but they realize this is the path to ruin. One a girl begins to believe she can manipulate Daddy, she no longer sees him as her dominant, unyielding anchor. A girl needs the stability and protection of a man who is more dominant than she is. To demonstrate that characteristic, Daddies must sometimes be excessively strict and rigid, more so than they would in normal relationships. The act of disciplining the girl may be used as part of a sadomasochistic activity.
In addition to these practically mandatory characteristics, some couples add their own sadism and masochism to the mix, and may use the concept of the wolf or lion and little lamb to describe the way in which the Daddy simultaneously protects his little girl from the world, and yet wants to dominate and devour her sexually. As a sadist, he may create the very tears that he will later kiss away. Sounds sweet, and yet terrifying, if you are not accustomed to the world of sadomasochism in which these participants operate. But to a Daddy and his girl who are into BDSM, this is the most perfect of scenarios they can imagine to act out their fetish.
Daddies come in many flavors, just as their girls do. Some Daddies may have polyamorous girls who have male and female lovers, and Daddy may be that one person outside the polyamory “family” who does not judge her. A Daddy and his girl might not have a sexual relationship at all. Since this is typically a D/s construct, there is usually a sexual component, but as can be seen from the above list of characteristics, sex is not the largest factor or the motivating force in this type of relationship. A Daddy may have more than one girl, may be married and have a girl, too, or may have other types of combinations. But it is rare for a girl to have more than one Daddy.
It is said that “a Top is for tonight, a Dominant is for as long as she is submissive, a Master is there until she is no longer a slave, but a Daddy is forever”. Daddy may have to give his girl away to a husband. He may eventually run out of things to teach his little girl. She may ultimately not need his sage advice and his experience any more. Hopefully he will be too old by then to have to deal with it, because when there is nothing left to teach, no need for a confidant, no discipline needing to be meted out, when his little girl no longer needs her Daddy, that’s when he will die inside. The need that Daddy has for his girl is every bit as potent as the need she has for her Daddy.
A Daddy usually knows he is one. He doesn’t have to be convinced of it, or taught how to be a Daddy. He may only need to have his innate Daddy characteristics pointed out to him. It might happen in the throes of a sexual activity when she exclaims “Daddy” for the first time, and the light goes on. Similarly, the little girl usually knows she needs a Daddy without having to be taught how to be his little girl. Once they identify themselves as Daddy/little girl, the draw is more powerful than many other forms of attraction, because it is rooted in deep-seated and old emotions that may not have any other outlet.
Girls in this lifestyle do not act like little girls in their normal work lives. They do not bring teddy bears to work. Indeed many are older women who are very assertive and successful in the business world, but need this special place to get nurturing and comfort lacking in their careers. A Daddy might not necessarily act parental or fatherly in his normal work life either. For some it may be role playing, for some it is a secret lifestyle, and other couples delight in the joys of unabashedly practicing the Daddy/girl dynamic in public. In any case, it evokes deep-seated needs and emotions for both parties, and is a very powerful dynamic.
While some of these characteristics could easily be applied to any good male-female relationship, there are some that require something quite different than the “50/50 partnership” that is so often touted as the most healthy. This is not 50/50. This is a Dominant/submissive relationship, and all the characteristics should be viewed through the lens of D/s.
And while many of the characteristics could also be easily applied to any good D/s or Master/slave relationship, there are some characteristics that are decided different. Not all Masters consider themselves their slave’s number one fan or her umbrella confidant. Teacher, guide, and anchor are not necessarily roles that a Master is required to adopt.
This is nowhere near a complete treatise on Daddy/girl relationships. It does not address the possibility that parent-child ego states (Transactional Analysis) are the preferred communication mode. It does not address the “play space” created by the Daddy for the girl to enjoy feeling “little”, or many other aspects that make D/g different from other D/s, M/s and similar dynamics. But this description of Daddy Dom characteristics will hopefully be useful as a baseline explanation of what makes a Daddy tick.