30 Days Of Submission: Day Eighteen

Snuggle time for me, is a great time for “chats”.

Very often the stereotype of submission is that the submissive person loses the ability to have an opinion. While that clearly isn’t true except in the absolute rarest of occasions, how does communication factor into your submission and how do you communicate your desires and needs?

That might be stereotypical of what a submission person within both my relationships within the BDSM lifestyle have had open communication or time to talk freely written into the rules:

Ex-Sir’s rule:

(e) Snuggle

  •       cuddle into Sir and playfully stroke and touch his body
  •       “pillow talk” allowed

Daddy’s rule:

Baby girl is free to speak her mind and offer suggestions to her Daddy anytime without fear of punishments.  BUT NO WHINNING OR USING PESTER POWER WILL BE ALLOWED EVER.

I have asked for these rules to be included; although the slightly different for each other, to be included because I have; at times, not approached a subject or said something to my partner(s), friends or colleagues because I didn’t want to appear to “needy”, “clingy”, “stupid” or “silly”, even when it is an issue that I am seriously struggling with or something I didn’t understand.

Heck, it took me alone time not to just blindly follow whatever was being asked of me, but at times offer suggestions on what I thought it should go. I am not just talking about within D/s or M/s either even within my vanilla life.

Are we taught to be like this by our childhood or is something that is ingrained in all submissives?

Personally I think it is a bit of both, I am Army brat so being told what to do and expected it to be followed through without question started very early for me. I always remember ask my mum “why do xxx?” the answer I would always get “because your father said so” or another of her favourites was “because it is the way it always been done”. I know growing up and more so during the dreaded teenage years I so use to rebel again them both because I thought they were being “old-fashioned” or were just “stuck in their ways”.

Even after I had left home, set up a home of my own and had my own children I still found myself following rules and regulations; at times blindly, that others had put on me. It took me years to find my voice and the confidence in my abilities to actually make my opinion heard.

My worry is within this lifestyle as a submissive/slave will I lose the voice that it took me so long to find.  I also know that will dependent on who your partner, Dominate, Domme, Master or Mistress is, what their personalities and demeanor are like and also what their expectations are of their submissive/slave.

If my relationship with Daddy didn’t work out, I would seek a similar rule that I have listed above from the next Dominant no matter what type of dynamic that may be.

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