Stress more Stress

OOOOH petty nails for when I have to be a big girl.

If this week wasn’t stressful enough add in telling the kids and the guild what is being going for the last few months.

E asked me to hold off telling the kids that we chosen to separate until the two youngest had their birthdays, therefore I couldn’t let the guild as a whole know either as my kids play WOW and they are in same guild as E and I.  I didn’t want them finding out by accident from anyone else but me.

Now E chose what time to tell them yesterday; our evening meal.  I was stressing out all day and was on the phone nearly all day with Daddy as I just needed a distraction and I personally didn’t want to think about what I was going to have to do too much.

Telling the two youngest was hard emotionally for me, but wasn’t as bad it could have been considering all the reactions could have been.  As Daddy said they probably suspected there was something going on any way.  I have to admit I had already told the eldest weeks before as he phone up one night after E and I had an argument I was really upset and telling “I’m fine” or “It is nothing” wasn’t cutting any ice with him.

The one thing that E and I hadn’t decided on was how the guild as whole was going to be told.  I have decided that posting a general post on our guild website was the best way to tell everyone without contacting everyone individually; either through email, text or whispering on WOW,  I typed up a post which I thought was truthful didn’t point any fingers of fault to either party, didn’t give much personal/private information away.  Called E up the stairs to read it before I posted it to make sure he was okay with that.

He didn’t even let me read what I had written before arguing with me about posting it on the guild website.  I lost it with him, I have respected him, his wishes and choices up to this point because I am one who has called an end to our marriage.  But for months I have lying to my people I have consider my friends because he told me I couldn’t say anything to them until September.  It has made me feel uncomfortable so much so that I had stop logging into WOW all together for last months as it was so hard not to say anything.

I think after months of keeping my mouth shut, acting like his wife, sorting out housing and the nights I stayed awake because he was being an arse I have earned the right to say how I am going to do something.  After arguing for a half hour, I posted it any way I don’t care any more what E thinks any more he has to realise that we are over and I am moving on.

E pissed me off  so much by revealing his family has known for months that we have split but I couldn’t tell my family, fucking bastard thank you very fucking much for showing me the same fucking respect ASSHOLE!!!

I am not saying sorry for the use of swear words or anything; if this offends you then go elsewhere, as that has riled me so much and I just wish I could stop being so nice and kick his sorry arse out of my house.  That will allow me and kids a chance of getting into our own routine.  It will also allow me to start on the next chapter of my life properly.

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