This blog is called Daddy’s Naughty little girl but I have never broken the law in any way, nor would I EVER. Although the idea of being handcuffed by man in uniform does appeal to be ;-), but more for role play that actually being arrested.
As too rule breaking, I do currently have any, but when I was Daddy or ex-Sir I did have rules. I was pretty good at following them, but when I was ex-Sir I had rules and tasks that had my day planned out between 8.30 am – 3.00 pm and after I had a particular stressful weekend with the kids and my ex-hubby eighteen months ago.
Below is exert from my journal entry of that week; it was basically a rant, I have highly edited it as somethings don’t need to be repeated here since it has been so long since it happened.
“Weekends have always been hard for me. having the kids here all time and I basically play referee between them both or both of them and E. Mind you my weekend wasn’t off to a good start as E was off visiting family, as always he never answered any off my calls; seriously wonder why he has a mobile as he never answers the bleeding thing. With my daughter going to the local community centre at 4pm I had offered to take a neighbours little one with us, but because E wouldn’t answer his phone and D being on his own emotional meltdown due to exams pressure. I couldn’t take them, I felt so rotten for letting my daughter and my neighbours kid down, although they got to go IT IS not the point. It is only time I have in the week where my daughter is my total focus for at least an hour or two. She doesn’t get enough time with her mum because of way D is and is often felt that she is forgotten about. Even now on Tuesday it brings tears to my eyes that she misses out on so much and I had to let her down YET again.
Days like Friday, makes me want to tell everyone there is only one-off me and as much as I can be there for everyone I am only one person and I can only stretch so far. I know and accept I am D’s carer 24/7 until I can figure out what I can set up next. It is my other two children who miss out on time with me.
I am only who can control him, who can still physically restrain him when he kicks off; even the police cannot restrain him, I am only one who know or sees the signs when he is most likely to “kick off”. Btw all off this I do is without support from and/or training from his “professional” team or school; no matter how many times I have asked for it. Days/weeks when he is really bad I just want toss in the towel. Then I remember how good it feels when he just gives me a hug or a kiss and he say ” I love you mum” tbh that melts my heart ever time and make every thing just fall away, but cause of his own meltdown he not said that to me for about 3 weeks I want my boy back pretty please.
Next, is E it is Tuesday and since Friday I think he spoke no more than average 30 words to me a day. I swear he is hormonal or something as “bear with a sore head” best describes his mood towards the kids and me for the last 4 days. So instead of a husband, I just actually have another stroppy teenager on my hands.
Other thing I am struggling with is Sir being away this week and being so distant last week. I feel I have not only lost my direction for him, but also a friend and to be honest if this is what being a submissive is all about I am not sure I can do it. I knew when we started this journey that his time would not be all mine; heck even it wouldn’t be if we were both single, and the feelings I have at the moment is NOT jealousy, but rather the need to chat stuff over with him and knowing I can’t because he is out of cell range.
To be really really honest what he said about asking rather than taking ticked me off so much and brought my tears to my eyes, as I said I don’t expect him to ask me if he can or cannot do anything, but hey he gone away for up to 10 days and I am meant to accept it but I need one day Sir says no. The brat in me suddenly reared its ugly head by the time his second denial came through I so not only miffed but fuming so much I burst into tears. I have never ask Sir for anything and never actually said no to him EVER. Yeah we might have disagreed with somethings, but I have ALWAYS acted with respectful towards him and we have discussed concerns through together.”
Ex-Sir and I ended our relationship roughly three months later, due to a number of reasons all off which I stated numerous time throughout this blog, so doesn’t need to be repeated again. I didn’t all his rules & tasks for that day and also the following day, but afterwards I did go back to follow the rules & tasks again. Heck, even after we split I still followed them for the longest time, even 18 months later there is a few which I still follow. I still chat with ex-Sir regularly, he still tries to go Dom-on-my-ass even now and again, I will always respect and be thankful to him for allow me to be his submissive and opening my eyes to what a relationship should be like and give me the space and time to be me. Heck, he was the first to know about my relationships with Boss and Daddy, he has supported me so much, be a true friend to me. Smile, I am such a lucky little girl.